Monday, February 22, 2010

Are We There Yet?

We've all been there... the ridiculously long road trip, the one that feels like it will never end.  You try to be a good sport about it... you pass the time reading, napping, maybe even singing silly travel songs, but eventually after miles and miles the question that continues to dominate your thoughts can no longer be ignored:  ARE WE THERE YET?!

There is a countdown happening this week... countdown until Friday, Feb 26th which is the date of my final chemo!  It's the finish line and it's within reach.  I want to be excited about it... I am absolutely grateful for it.  However, if I'm being completely honest with you in this moment, I just feel like a whiney kid on a long road trip.  My body is tired from this journey.  And I got my booster shot today to help keep my counts up, so currently I'm aching from my teeth down to my toes. I want to be positive and keep things in perspective, it's just hard to write when all I want to say is "I don't feel good."

There is a bible verse that I was taught at a young age, it says "the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace,PATIENCE, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control." (Galations 5:22-23)  Patience is not a strength of mine.  God has been trying for years to give me lessons in patience, and I try for  a while to learn, but then get frustrated and impatient.  At the beginning of my diagnosis, I thought that this whole cancer thing would be a great opportunity for God to work on helping me to grow and finally change.  And yet, here I sit months later with one recurring question:  ARE WE THERE YET?!

Please don't misunderstand me... I have learned many things in this process, and my life in many ways has been enriched by it.  I think the reality is that the trait of patience will always be "under construction" when it comes to me.  And that's okay.  Because one of the things I did manage to learn is that God uses us in spite of our weaknesses.  He is able to take us as broken people and mold beautiful stories in our lives.  I'm just so grateful that He is incredibly patient with me.

1 comment:

  1. Meredith, I'm so glad that the finish line is in site and I rejoice that the last chemo is on Friday. I think it is normal to ask, "Are we there yet?" You are a beautiful example of Christian womanhood. Remember, your faith will not lead where God's grace will not sustain.
    Pat Boland