How Do You Fit Cancer Into Your Outlook?

In the last few months, I have become a big fan of Microsoft Outlook. I love having a place to organize my Calendar, To Do Lists, and email...not to mention all of it can be color-coded! How's that for excitement? I enjoy trying to bring order into chaos. So, when I received the diagnosis of cancer, then heard I would need chemo, surgery, and maybe radiation, my way of coping was to try and get out the calendar, rally the support team, and make a plan and schedule with treatments dates, doctor appointments, etc. Just when I thought I was going to be able to start plugging things into my calendar and start making sense of it all... today happened.

I had the first meeting with the oncologist today. We're still going to do all the same types of tests, surgery, chemo, and maybe radiation, but the order of everything got shuffled. I must say I would prefer that my cancer be neat, orderly, and controlled. And yes, I do realize the irony of that statement. Just another reminder today that life is not about my plans, my schedule, my trying to "control" things. Instead, it's all about HIS plan... and my learning to get out of the way and trust Him in the process.

Part of the reason for the shuffle in treatment plans is due to the fact that my cancer is "complicated" according to the oncologist. Those of you who know me well should not be surprised at all that my cancer would follow the pattern of my life-being complicated :)

One of the first things they they do with cancer is decide the "stage". One of the important pieces of information is the size of the tumor. In my "complicated" case, they haven't found a tumor to size. Now, before you get excited about a miraculous healing, let me explain... I have had 6 areas biopsied since last Friday. They have found DCIS and Carcinoma in 1 lymph node ... they still have not identifed a big "tumor," so the theory we're operating from is still that the DCIS has had micro-invasions and that we won't find a "primary tumor."

So, at least for now, the plan seems to be as follows:
1) We start with surgery. There are several reasons for this. Mainly it's the necessary first step to get in the operating room and be able to really look and see what we're dealing with, then we'll be better prepared to make the best decisions for further treatment. Also we will be removing some more lymph nodes to check for any spread of the cancer. Surgery date is yet to be determined, but it should be within the next month.
2) Between now and the surgery date comes multiple tests. These will include a bone scan, genetic testing, blood work, chest x-ray, and abdominal ultrasound. Again, we're just trying to gather all the information we can to make the most educated decisions possible.
3) After tests and surgery, chemotherapy is likely to follow. Because of all the info we will have by then, the oncologist will tailor the treatment based on how aggressive we need to be.
4) Radiation may come next
5) Then more surgery and reconstruction

So, are you exhausted just reading all this? I must admit I'm pretty tired. This week has tested my strenght and endurance in many ways... and I've learned something... cancer is NOT going to fit neatly into my Outlook on my computer.... however, God has allowed me the amazing chance to yield to His plan, which can change my "outlook" on life and what really matters.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart to all of you for your incredible support this week.

I will continue to update you frequently.

"For I know the PLANS I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11