Storms

Tonight there was a big storm in Houston... many of you may have been caught in it... we'll get to that in a minute.

First, let me catch you up since my last update. I came home from the hospital on Wednesday and things went relatively smoothly, mainly just rested.

Yesterday (Thursday) I had a few little tantrums. I didn't blog yesterday because I wasn't sure how much information is "too much information", but since then I've decided considering I've already broadcast details about my boobs and ovaries and uterus, there's just no need for holding back.

I've said all along on this journey, "It's God's story to write, I just want to be faithful in telling it."

So, God's story yesterday included a 35 year old women having a tantrum that lead to a mini melt-down. I don't really know what triggered it... it's obviously been an emotional time and things just seemed to pile up. I also know that I didn't have time or energy before surgery to process all the emotions and it was only a matter of time before that caught up with me.

One of the hardest things for me this week has been admitting my weakness, limitations, and lack of independence. I hadn't needed my mommy to give me a bath since I was a young child, but yesterday she had to do just that (and she did it gladly).

I have always been a self-sufficient and independent individual... and those attributes have been reinforced significantly by my being single at 35 and living alone for years. Translation: I'm sometimes really stubborn and proud... I love to be the one doing the helping and self-sacrificing, nursing, counseling, encouraging others, etc. But, being on the receiving end of that has been a challenge for me and will continue to be an area where God stretches me and gives me opportunities to grow and learn.

So, the tears flowed yesterday, which is to be expected from time to time. Despite my getting emotional, I still know that God is in control and has a plan for my life and every journey along the way. I did have a moment yesterday when I wanted to just say, "okay, change of plans, I don't have cancer anymore... rewind and do over." Clearly, that is not a real option.
I'm comforted when I have my "tantrums" by the book of Psalms... take a look at it for yourself... you can go from "God, you are mighty and great" to "God, where are you, I'm in despair!" in just a few chapters. Bottom line: God can handle all of our true emotions, anxiety, fears, and anything else. He IS and ALWAYS will be a good, loving, sufficient God.

Moving on to today.... started out tired (I have discovered that I have a penicillin allergy... hives on top of everything else... fun times.) Had a follow up visit with the plastic surgeon... wounds are healing well and everything is on track. Obviously we changed the antibiotic and started benadryl, so the allergic reaction is close to under control. I'm still adjusting to the feeling of foreign objects in my body: I have 2 tissue expanders in my chest, then there are the four drainage tubes and drains attached to my sides... that guy in the Spiderman movie... Dr. Otto Octavious known as "Doc Ock" ... he would totally think my "tentacles" are hot and want to date me right now. Besides feeling a little like an alien at times, my pain is under control and my range of motion in my arms is much improved.

Tonight I had a wonderful visit with an old friend I hadn't seen in a long time who brought dinner to the house. Then the big thunderstorms hit... and Alyson was on a brief errand until her car broke down on the side of the road in the rain... and Gracie needed to potty stat... and Katie accidentally knocked over my Sonic vanilla Dr. Pepper and was feeling terrible about it... and the oven was beeping telling me to do something, but I wasn't sure what... and the house phone was ringing... and my cell phone was ringing at the same time and telling me I also had a text message.... and so I loudly announced to the girls "Sit down NOW, we're going to pray" That's right, I have a master's degree in Counseling and Play Therapy and I pulled the "I'm the grown up, so do what I say" trick.

So we sat on the floor: me, Gracie (age 3), and Katie (age 4) and prayed for safety for their dad and mom in the storm... and we thanked God for giving us friends to help us weather the storms.
(Then we ate our yummy casserole and awesome brownie dessert.) And after I put them to bed, I took a REAL shower... now I'm clean head to toe and resting comfortably in the living room of my dear friend Alyson who has chosen to weather this storm with me.

Goodnight and peaceful rest to you all.